Social Gripe #3: Egocentrics - Part C: In Public

In Public - in such a way as to be visible to the scrutiny of the people, such as malls, gas stations, restaurants, hotels, etc...

Any human-being that has disturbed, inconvenienced, or bothered you in any manner while in a public setting would be considered Egocentric.  Egocentrics are highly visible to the common bystander and tend to make themselves visible even during your dullest state of mind (day-dreaming for instance).  I want to share with you some Egocentrics types that I have had past experiences with In Public:

1.  Space Hogs:  These people will always be in your way when you are walking through malls/stores/places with limited walking space.  I'm not sure what their problem is, but they insist upon taking up as much room as possible and they will always make you move drastically to avoid bumping into their sprawling body.   
Future Goal:  Ram into a Space Hog intentionally in an attempt to bruise their body and their precious ego.

2.  Cellular-Beings:  These are people who love their cell phone more than actual human beings.  There seems to be one of these people in every group, but you probably don't realize they exist.  You want to know why?  Their constant talking, texting, sexting, pexting means you never get to interact with them even though they are physically next to you (they just don't exist mentally around you).  
Future Goal:  Take a Cellular-Beings cell phone extra appendage and smash it into a million pieces.

3.  Parchment and Quill Users:  At one time or another, you have probably had to deal with these people in a store - they are ones that waste your time by continuing to use the outdated method of CHECKS.  The extreme Parchment and Quill Users have the nerve to write CHECKS in the Express Lanes.  These people must have never been told that Debit Cards do the same thing as CHECKS, but in a lot less time.   
Future Goal:  As a Parchment and Quill User is wasting my time in a store line, I will pry the checkbook from their stupid, inconsiderate hands and light it on FIRE!!

4.  Loud-Toothers:  These people think they are so important and cool because of their cell phone blue-tooth earpiece.  Their coolness means that everybody else around them needs to hear their whole cell phone conversation.  It is very confusing and awkward at first when you see a person talking to themselves in a public place because you can't tell whether they are talking to you or just plain crazy.  Moments later, however, you look at their ear and realize they are a Loud-Toother - instant relief (this situation is unfair to the rest of us that aren't as cool douchey as you).   
Future Goal:  Stare a complete Loud-Toother stranger straight in the face and ask them multiple questions as they are talking on their blue-tooth.

5.  Indecent Exhibitionists:  Public Displays of Affection or PDA are allowable to a certain extent - eating-face or groping would be considered a Indecent Exhibitionist act in my book.  The Indecent Exhibitionists usually find the most central and public location for their extreme PDA.  The most distributing part is that the worst and highest occurring cases of PDA are usually being performed by abnormal characters - examples include the creepy, damaged, and unstable types (use your own imagination if you dare).   
Future Goal:  Block a set of Indecent Exhibitionists from the public view by placing a big cardboard box over them.